The Stream

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

In Mourning

I've gone into mourning.

I don't think it will ever warm up again. I remember walking in my swimsuit up to the pool. I remember turning on my AC in my car. I remember picking fresh tomatoes and basil from my potted garden. I remember the earth being green and the blacktop black. I remember sweating. I'm mourning the warmth.

I'm mourning my husband. I've been widowed for a short time, well at least until March. He is studying for his boards and mid-March couldn't come soon enough. Every year for the past 3yrs he has taken his pre-tests to the boards so I am used to this cold period from January to March where he hibernates at the table eating, drinking, and mostly sleeping ophthalmology. This year is the real deal and I am gathering my strength to go at this for one more year. I can't seem to muster it and I am holding a grudge against his ophthalmology books. I would spat at them if it wouldn't ripple up the pages. I give him credit--he is a well oiled machine the way he disciplines himself. This is what makes him a good eye surgeon. For now, I will try not to complain, but I do miss him.

7 comments:

Kelli said...

You make me so excited for residency and beyond. Yikes. Until then, give me a call if you need someone to chum around with.

Mary said...

Us strong women are the backbone of medical families :) And you are quite strong! You do tons and you think I'm amazing? I think I got through the holidays in a "drunken" stupor of not enough sleep (my baby still doesn't sleep through and screams bloody murder when he's hungry every couple hours) and a little stress! But something was made quite clear... my desire to have a maid!

Rachel Oswald said...

I hear ya sista. I can handle Kolby never being around SO much better when the kids and I can just romp around outside. Hang in there!

Erin said...

Oh this so reminds me of when we were in Virginia. January would hit, Kenny would be so busy studying (Torts was the book I held a grudge against), and Christmas fun was over and it was so so cold and depressing and I was always miserable. I only had to do it for three years so I'm so sorry you've had to be much stronger. Just know that it won't always be this way. There is a very happy light at the end of your tunnel Mic and you are getting so close!!! Hang in there. And then move to San Diego by me. (yes, Denver is TOO COLD...but a very fun city...but not as fun as San Diego...because that's where I am...and it was over 70 degrees yesterday...just something to ponder...) :)

McArthur Family said...

Micki,
I'm so sorry. It's so hard to feel like your tackling parenthood all on your own. I admire your strength and determination to get through it. You are a woman of many talents and your kids and husband are sooooooo blessed to have you in their life. If you ever just need to get out, please bring you and the kiddies over and they can play and we could talk. I know I'll be needing some adult interaction during Doug's rural rotation (when I'm carless).

Much love,
Amber

The Singer Family said...

I feel your mourning pain about the weather. Every day I look at my yard, or I mean my snow, and wonder when I will see grass again.

Natalie said...

I'm in mourning to for all the same reasons you are. If only it was warm I could handle this single parenting stuff so much better. I'm wondering if I can make it to March. Thanks for the birthday wishes via email. I was impressed! It was so fun to catch up with you guys.